


mean brain

by glockmemoir



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, bunny!junmyeon, former sugar daddy turned boyfriend baekhyun, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29634363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glockmemoir/pseuds/glockmemoir
Summary: junmyeon's brain is mean sometimes. baekhyun is always there for him when it gets to be too much.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Junmyeon | Suho
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	mean brain

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a valentine's day fic that just... didn't end up happening. oh well.
> 
> also, big thank you to shreyas for being soso helpful (and patient,,,, it literally took me a full week to write this) and for being my beta!! you can check his ao3 page out [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrychoke/pseuds/cherrychoke)
> 
> lastly, i am on twitter! you can find me @glockmemoir!!

it’s cold in baekhyun’s apartment, and junmyeon’s been buried in his “baekhyun’s apartment blanket” ever since he’d gotten there. there’s a mug of hot chocolate in front of him and he’s surrounded by the sweet smell of baekhyun’s cologne that clings to the clothing that junmyeon had snatched from his closet. it’s supposed to calm him down. 

this… thing that he’s been feeling (a strange combination of anxiety, unease, disgust, and other icky feelings all mashed into one) has been looming over him for weeks. it started with the transition from being baekhyun’s sugar baby to being baekhyun’s boyfriend (who is still largely financially dependent on him), and the weird, icky feelings that came along with that transition. he knows that baekhyun loves taking care of him, loves spoiling him and showering him in gifts and affection (it’s baekhyun’s love language, after all), but now that they’re _in a relationship_ , there’s this new level of guilt and disgust with himself that junmyeon hadn’t anticipated feeling. 

and those feelings are multiplied whenever he’s at school or his internship. baekhyun is the one putting him through his graduate program (junmyeon has always loved going to school, and when his university had created a graduate program in fashion design, baekhyun had encouraged him to enroll in it), and he’s the one that got junmyeon his internship in one of Seoul’s biggest design collaboration firms (he’s friends with one of the designers, funnily enough). Junmyeon works hard, harder than most, and he’s a _good_ designer, but he’s well aware of the fact that he would _not_ have any of the opportunities he currently has if it weren’t for his relationship with baekhyun, and that makes him feel _awful_.

it feels like junmyeon’s taking advantage of him, even if that isn’t at all what’s happening. it feels like he’s just a leech, a _gold digger_ , someone who just takes and takes and _takes_ because he has nothing to offer but his body in return. he doesn’t deserve the boyfriend title, not when he’s still very much just baekhyun’s sugar baby that exchanges ‘i love yous’ with him every so often. 

and the people around him just _refuse_ to let him try to escape that. all of the other interns know about his relationship with baekhyun. they know that he’s the reason why junmyeon was able to get into the program, and even though junmyeon works hard ( _twice_ as hard as anyone else, since he’s half _rabbit_ ), they never fail to remind him that that’s all he is: a stupid little bunny who has to rely on his sugar daddy for any and everything. 

they claim it’s all just jokes, they mean nothing of it, but junmyeon is as sensitive as he is anxious, and so “haha but isn't he your sugar daddy?” easily becomes “haha you're so useless you need a sugar daddy to even get an internship”.

then there’s all the _work_ that he has to do. junmyeon had taken on a job as a TA for one of the freshman classes this semester (just so he can assure himself that he _isn’t_ as useless as he feels, that he doesn’t _have_ to rely on baekhyun for _everything_ ), so on top of all the work for his grad classes AND the work that he’s got to complete in his internship program, he’s got papers and sketches and designs to grade and discussions to plan and discuss. he’s being spread so _thin_ (and junmyeon isn’t a very large bunny to be spread the way he is) and in so many places that he’s constantly overwhelmed, constantly tired. he’s only _just_ managed to find time to see baekhyun, and now he’s ruining it by spiralling. 

he can’t do anything. he can’t get his own internships, can’t live alone, can’t make sufficient time to see his new boyfriend, can’t take care of himself, can’t sleep, can’t _not_ spiral, can’t can’t _can’t._

before he knows it, junmyeon is crying his eyes out on baekhyun’s expensive couch, probably ruining the soft leather with his salty tears, too. everything is just _too much_ , he can’t do _anything_. it sucks, he sucks, everything is awful.

and then there’s a hand in his hair, stroking his ears, cradling him against a warm, warm chest. someone is holding him, rocking him, whispering softly into his ear (the human ones… his bunny ears are next to useless) and trying to calm him down. _it’s okay bunny. you’re okay. i’m here, you are not alone. just calm down, listen to my voice. that’s it, just breath, bunny. you’re doing so well._

junmyeon faintly registers baekhyun’s voice and clings to him, tries his darndest to burrow his way into his warmth and find comfort there. baekhyun’s grip on him is strong, supportive, and his hands are warm and soft against his floppy ears and back. he never stops talking to him, calming him down, never lets him go, just holds him and holds him until junmyeon feels a little less like falling apart. 

“you’re doing so well, bunny,” baekhyun whispers, pressing a kiss to his temple, tightening his grip around him. “just listen to my voice, take deep breaths. i’m right here, i’ve got you. you’re okay.”

and junmyeon does eventually calm down, seated firmly in baekhyun’s lap and fisting clumps of baekhyun’s sleep shirt in a vice-like grip. “i’m sorry.”

“no, no, do _not_ apologize,” baekhyun says. his grip on him hasn’t at all loosened, and junmyeon appreciates it. “just… what’s wrong, myeonie?”

junmyeon lets baekhyun swipe a stray tear from his face. “icky feelings. mean brain.”

“icky feelings?”

junmyeon sniffles. “very icky.”

baekhyun frowns. “is it- did i do something?”

“no, not at all. you’ve been great,” junmyeon sighs. he slides off of baekhyun’s lap to sit next to him, resting his head on the latter’s shoulder. “i just feel like i’m … nevermind.”

“you know you can tell me anything, right, bunny?” baekhyun asks, throwing an arm around him, pulling junmyeon close to him. “anything at all.”

“can you just hold me right now?” junmyeon asks. “i need you to hold me.”

and baekhyun does just that, pulling junmyeon even _closer_ and turning so that he can throw his other arm around him. baekhyun smells so comforting, and the shirt he’s wearing makes him soft and plush under junmyeon’s head. soft kisses are peppered and pressed into the crown of his head, littered around his hairline, and junmyeon feels a little more like a plant being watered and cared for, rather than wilting.

“the transition is a little hard for me,” junmyeon eventually says. “i feel useless and selfish. you’re paying for my apartment and my schooling and you got me my internship. it wasn’t so bad when i was just a sugar baby, but now that we’re-” junmyeon gestures to how they’re sitting. “i feel guilty about you doing it.”

“hyung-”

“and i know, i know, you don’t mind it. i understand that. i just… i feel icky about it sometimes. i dunno. i’m working on it-”

“hyung,” baekhyun cuts in. “i understand. i guess i was too happy about us becoming a more concrete thing that i never just… took that into consideration. your feelings, i mean.” baekhyun presses a kiss to his cheek. 

“i ruined our day together.”

“you didn’t ruin anything, myeonie,” baekhyun sighs. “you need a day to just relax. you work too hard, do too much.”

junmyeon stares at a random spot near baekhyun’s glass coffee table. “i’m sorry.”

baekhyun sighs again. “there’s nothing for you to apologize for, hyung. i get that this situation isn’t… ideal. do you want me to cut back a little? i only want to make sure that you’re comfortable, and i guess by doing so i’ve only made you feel _more_ uncomfortable. i’m sorry, bunny.”

“i don’t want you to cut back, no,” junmyeon sniffles. his brain is starting to be mean again. “i just… i dunno. i just need you to just- just-”

“okay, okay, i’ve got you,” baekhyun knows when junmyeon just needs comfort. they’d been in each other’s lives for well over a year, and baekhyun had never really been the traditional sugar daddy. he knows all of junmyeon’s tells, knows him like the back of his own hand. junmyeon is thankful for that fact, that he can just be held and comforted without always needing to ask for it. “i’m right here. i’ve got you.”

they eventually move to baekhyun’s bed, where junmyeon can curl up on his side and have baekhyun holding him warm and steady from behind. they’ve got baekhyun’s oil diffuser on, filling the (rather large- baekhyun is _loaded_ ) bedroom with a soothing lavender scent. 

“it’s okay to have help, you know.” baekhyun’s voice cuts through the quiet, comforting atmosphere. “it doesn’t make you useless or anything. i know you aren’t taking advantage of me.”

junmyeon turns around so that they’re facing each other. “i know. it’s just… mean brain making me think and feel not great about everything. i think it’s all stress.”

baekhyun hums. “you work too hard, bunny.”

“i have to,” junmyeon frowns. “i have to work twice as hard as humans. you know that.”

baekhyun gives him a kiss on the forehead to calm him down. “that’s why i like helping you, hyung. i have connections, and if it helps you get closer to where you wanna be, i’ll use them. if that’s okay with you, of course.”

“okay,” junmyeon nods. baekhyun does have a point. hybrids don’t really get many opportunities to get very far in the world, and “having connections” sounds way nicer than “my sugar daddy helped me get ahead”. it’s a concept that junmyeon is gonna have to take time to train his mind to think, but it’s not impossible. “i’m sorry.”

“please stop apologizing,” baekhyun kisses him on the cheek, mumbling into his skin. “you have nothing to apologize for, hyung.”

junmyeon tucks his head under baekhyun’s chin, pressing a kiss to his neck when baekhyun tightens his arms around him. “thank you. i hate my brain sometimes. most of the time.”

“i’d do anything for you, and you deserve it,” baekhyun says, softly scratching below his ears. “i love you, and i will gladly fight your brain anytime you need me to.”

that pulls a small, small laugh out of junmyeon, who snuggles himself even more in baekhyun’s arms, because baekhyun _would_. this is the same baekhyun who always buys junmyeon bunny-safe hats and pants whenever he’s out shopping, who uses all of the one centimeter height advantage that he has over junmyeon to shield him from whatever bullshit someone might try to throw at them whenever they’re out together, who will spend their one full day together just holding and comforting junmyeon whenever his brain is being mean to him. junmyeon loves him, loves him so much.


End file.
